On: The Value We Assign Thing

Do you want to know what I think is really weird? Fabergé eggs. These opulent, gem encrusted eggs run for millions of dollars and are sought after by pop stars and monarchs and warlords. All because some rich pricks like them a whole lot.

Okay, yea, some of the value comes from the gems, and some comes from the handiwork it takes to actually craft the egg. But, holy shit. Shouldn’t we be asking why someone would be wanting to slap a bunch of jewels onto an egg in the first place?

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There are some things I understand. Chemistry. Basic math. Rhythm and meter and how to count out music. These things make sense to me. I get it. But when I try to wrap my brain around why a bunch of people put so much stock in flimsy piece of paper, my head hurts. Our whole world literally revolves around the value of a bill, that less than 250 years ago, didn’t exist.

There are some things I understand the value of. Good food. Beautiful art. Hell, even good old fashioned hard work. But if I boil it all down to the brass tacks: I don’t understand why these things have monetary value. I know why they have value to society as a whole. But—because I don’t understand the value of money—I don’t understand why one good or service holds more inherent value than another.

For more enlightenment on this subject, I turn to the greatest philosophical mind of our generation, Fiona Apple. In her song Red Red Red she states:

I don't understand about
diamonds,
And why men
buy them.
What's so impressive 
about a diamond,
except the mining?

The shine, the glitz and glitter. What’s so impressive about a diamond? You can get a cubic zirconia ring for $15, and pass it off as a reasonable fake of a diamond. (Just don’t let a jeweler look at it.) Why men buy them. The whole value in why a thing is bought is, because, well: what’s not impressive about a diamond?

A diamond is carbon—organic, decayed, dead life—compressed under so much pressure and heat that it has become the hardest mineral on Earth. What’s not impressive about that? And like the great philosopher Apple says, “What’s so impressive…except the mining?” The mining. There is a literal distinction of diamonds, a line drawn in the sand: blood diamonds. Diamonds got by ill-gotten means. The life of a diamond is dangerous, precarious. Tell me—what’s not impressive about that?

So maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there is value inherent, indeterminable, exigent. Maybe, even if all life ceased to be, diamonds would still be impressive.