Imagine for me a scene—nothing out of the ordinary, nothing wild. You’re in your bedroom, writing a paper, or digging into the book you just picked up from the library. You picked out the perfect playlist for this moment and it’s streaming through your speakers at the “Goldilocks” volume—not too loud, not too soft. You sink back to relax after an extremely stressful day of school when it all starts.
The cacophony of noise that is always filling your house. Your oldest brother is in the kitchen talking about some Youtube video or complicated chemical equation. Your younger brother is in the spare room, which doubles as the gaming room, talking to a “teammate” or freaking out because he lost a round of some RPG. Of course, you cannot forget your youngest sibling. She is in her room playing her ukelele to a song that couldn’t be more off the beat of the song you are trying to listen to. You grind your teeth and turn up your music (adding your fair share to the growing jumble of noise).
This is life with siblings. If you have siblings then I’m sure you’re aware of what it’s like. You can set this essay down and go enjoy classic literature. However, on the off chance that you are an only child, buckle up because I, an expert in sibling life, will now be dissecting life with siblings.
The Eldest Siblings
Before I get into the many intricacies of the eldest siblings, first I have to explain the division between the eldest son and the eldest daughter. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not talking about a pair of twins who are just minutes apart; what I mean is the two oldest children. The first-born—a boy—and the second-born—a girl. Right now you’re probably thinking, “It’s 2021! Gender doesn’t matter!” And while I would love to debate with you about the complexity of gender politics, trust me this delineation is important.
Let’s start with truly understanding the eldest son. The most important aspect of the eldest son’s character is that he is a mama’s boy, and your mom just loves this! She gets someone to dote on, and the eldest son gets someone to be his number one fan. It’s a win-win! (except for all the other kids, who feel left out of this deal.) So, the eldest son gets all the mom time he possibly can. He will call home from college just to talk to his mother. And when he’s home from college he’ll spend hours regaling her about his trials and tribulations.
That’s another thing about the eldest son. He loves to talk. And he usually just talks about nothing at all. Maybe he’ll be monopolizing the dinner conversation, waking up at six o’clock just to go downstairs and talking politics with your dad and waking you up because both of them talk so loud that you can’t fall back asleep and now you’re cranky because it’s Saturday and you wanted to sleep in, or starting a debate during a six-hour car ride. It doesn’t matter what, where, or when! This kid loves to talk. And he has a lot to talk about.
Because that’s another thing about the eldest son: he’s really smart. I’m talking Nobel laureate smart! Or at least it seems like it at times because sometimes he’ll just start talking about O-chem or advanced calculus and you can’t seem to focus on what he’s saying. Sure, you’ll try to pay attention but when he starts talking about carbon chains and radials, suddenly you’re thinking about that episode of House M.D. you just watched.
Now, what’s the difference between the eldest son and daughter? It starts with the fact that the eldest daughter is basically her parents’ free nanny. When the parents are gone showing appreciation to their eldest child, the eldest daughter has to be the one to take care of her younger siblings. So she has to make dinner and do the dishes and take care of her siblings while her parents are out watching their oldest son’s football, basketball, or baseball game. All for the wage of $0.00. She has to do this every week until her kid siblings finally learn how to take care of themselves!
And the worst part? She never gets any appreciation for the hard work she does. From the ages of twelve to eighteen, she has been raising her siblings part-time and zilch! Nada! You might think, “This seems like a bit of an exaggeration,” but I promise you this is exactly what it’s like.
Though different in many ways, the two eldest siblings have a strong sense of solidarity between them. After all, these two have to rally against the strong force of the attention-hogging younger siblings. They are both expected to grow up the fastest, to be the most responsible, to know the answers to every question their nagging siblings might ask. The fact that they’re highly competitive and extreme perfectionists (to the point where it drives everyone else insane) just brings them even closer together. The eldest siblings are truly an unstoppable force (and the younger siblings are an immovable object).
The Middle Child
I’m sure you’ve seen the classic sitcom trope of the “Middle Child.” They are neglected, forgotten, ignored, etc. And I’m sure that while watching the trope playing out you’ve laughed along, thinking, “Haha! This is so funny! I’m so glad that it isn’t this way in real life!” Well, I’m sorry to tell you that that trope is dead on.
Ah, the middle child: poor, sweet thing. The middle child constantly lives in the shadow of the other children. The middle child is expected to do all the work for no reward (see the eldest daughter). The middle child never gets any love.
The sad part is that the middle child is the most talented of the bunch. Smart, artsy, musical, and creative (not to mention drop-dead gorgeous): these things are unimportant. The middle child is overlooked in favor of the perfect, golden-boy oldest son or the mad scientist younger brother, or the energetic and lovable youngest sibling. All the energy the middle child devotes to being noticed and loved is promptly ignored.
Year after year the middle child tries and tries to get just an ounce of attention. But without fail you can expect the middle child to be locked out of their house or forgotten at church or forced to walk home from piano lessons in freezing cold temperatures because both your parents forgot you were at piano lessons and just thought you were in your bedroom. Such is the plight of the middle child.
Because of this, they are so vastly different from their many siblings. While their siblings are extroverted and charismatic, the middle child is stunted, socially awkward, and dreadfully shy. While their siblings might thrive in athletic situations, the middle child has two left feet, bad joints, and exercise-induced asthma. While their siblings are loud and talkative, the middle child is quiet, restrained, and afraid of public speaking. They are everything that their siblings are not.
The Would-Be Youngest
There exists a limbo between the middle child and the youngest child and this limbo exists a special category of sibling. They aren’t the oldest, they aren’t the middle child, and they aren’t the youngest. These children are the “Would-be youngest” children.
Before the youngest child was born, they lived in the limelight. Then, the limelight was stolen from them. Maybe one, maybe two, maybe three, but probably four years after they were born, a new baby was born. And suddenly, they aren’t the youngest child any longer.
The defining characteristics of the would-be youngest (WBY) grow out of desperately trying to get back the limelight they lived in those first few years of their life. Like the oldest son, the WBY talks a lot. This kid loves the sound of their own voice. And not only that they love the sound of their loud voice. The WBY has volume levels that rival traffic in New York, humpback whale mating calls, and the Krakatoa volcanic eruption. If you live with a would-be youngest, invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones, or sound-proofing foam, or take up a loud hobby like yodeling.
Another important thing to note about the would-be youngest is that they have very niche interests. To best explain their hobbies, I’ll put it this way: if this were the ‘90s, the WBY would be bullied relentlessly for being a nerd. They love trading card games, anime (and anime rap, I advise you to NEVER look this up), and gaming. Their love for gaming could never be matched by a romantic partner or a family member! Those things will fade, but their love for gaming will last forever.
The Baby
Does the baby of the family even need an introduction? I promise you, if you are in a room with a baby, they’ll do the introduction for you. Remember how I said that the eldest and WBY children love to talk? Well, they don’t have anything on the baby.
The baby will tell everything that ever comes to their mind. I mean everything. Every. Single. Detail. Don’t even think about getting a word in edgewise. Because the baby can go hours without taking a breath. And they have to ramble! Because when you’re competing for conversation space with two chatty brothers, this skill grows out of necessity.
More than just the plain fact of loving to talk, the baby can’t stand to not have the spotlight shining on them 24/7. They will do just about anything to get a hint of that addictive drug called attention. And they absolutely, positively, can not and will not share their spotlight with anyone else (see the would-be youngest).
Consequently, they are what I will lovingly refer to as a hypochondriac; they have every illness in the medical dictionary. Really they’re more like a copycat. If they think that anyone else is trying to encroach on their spotlight, they launch full fight or flight mode. If you have a stomachache, you can bet that they do too. You have sensitive skin and suddenly they’re afflicted with it too. Does you’re ankle hurt? Well, don’t worry because the baby is completely sympathetic seeing as they just twisted theirs. Don’t even try to have an ailment of your own, because the youngest child sees that as infringing on their territory.
Life with siblings is loud, frustrating, annoying, and fun. You gain memory-building experiences that you will never get as an only child. Sure, sometimes you might want to pull your teeth out of your skull one by one, but life with siblings builds characters (at least that’s what my parents say). Your siblings are always there for you—whether you want them to be or not. They’re there when you need a laugh, usually at the expense of another sibling. They’re there when you need to cry, even if it means punching you in the gut or pulling out your hair. And even though you may hate them at times, a sibling is a built-in friend.
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